Dance away your stress

Dance away your stress: You are carrying a bomb inside you if you are repeatedly stressed. The way to go is to kill it before it kills you. Instead of getting involved into the madness of your confusion that has caused your stress, you should try to get out of it, either by learning to ignore it or by finding a solution.  Peter Bregman, in his book, The Best Way to Diffuse Your Stress, says you better “think of stress as a monster who lives in your body and feeds on ’uncertainty’. The monster’s most satisfying meal starts with, What will happen if ...? What will happen if one of the projects I am working on runs into objections? And the like. No normal human being can be stress free. Some conquer the ‘monster’, others fail to do so and fall a victim. If one gets cool-headed, much of  the stress factors keep away. Stress is like a parasite and attacks the weakest of minds. Confusion is let loose and a world of darkness seems to be enveloping one. When you say try to forget your stress as one of the ways to be free of it, it means that you learn to live with it but don’t try to be overly conscious of it. You will see, in no time, it has gone out of your being. Its best opportunity comes when you keep yourself ‘busy’ with it and doing nothing else. Bregman says one need not try to manage one’s stress. Instead, try to dance with it. The monster will ease out.  But this kind of ‘solution’ can’t be exercised by everyone. The best way, for most of us, is to use logic to see why you are stressed and why it is clinging to you like a parasite. If we understand this much, then we will understand that we have been worrying over nothing. And you will soon be a free bird. Still not convinced‘? Take this from the great Buddhist philosopher monk, Santideva, “If the problem can be solved, why worry? If the problem can’t be solved, worrying will do you no good.”

Beauty is all within

Beauty is all within: There is an immediate response to what is beautiful and what is not. We respond to pleasure and pain and we put our feelings immediately into words. To understand what beauty is, and to have that sense of goodness which comes when the mind and heart are in communion with something beautiful, has great significance; and until we know this response to beauty, our lives will be very shallow. One may be surrounded by the great beauty of mountains and fields and rivers, but unless one is alive to it all, there is no use. What is beauty? Cleanliness, tidiness of dress, a smile, a graceful gesture, the rhythm of walking, a flower in your hair, good manners, clarity of speech, thoughtfulness, being considerate of others, that includes punctuality, all this is part of beauty  And there is what we call ‘inner beauty’. There is beauty of form, of design, beauty of materialism. You may be fair and have a beautiful face, good features, you may dress with good taste and have polished manners, you may draw and paint well, or write well, but without inward sense of goodness, all the other external factors lead to a very superficial life - a life without much significance.  It is inward beauty that gives grace, an exquisite gentleness to outward form and movement. This is what really counts. To help you discover what is inward beauty is one of the functions of right education.  Can a shallow mind appreciate beauty? It may talk about beauty but can it experience this welling up of immense joy upon looking at something that is really lovely?  When the mind is merely concerned with itself and its own activities, it is incapable of knowing what beauty is. But a mind that is not concerned with itself, and is free of any kind of ambition, always flowers in goodness.  When there is inward goodness, the face is transformed, for inward goodness is a deeply spiritual feeling that makes one glow.    

Give your worries to God

Give your worries to God: A thief enters your house and you manage to catch him. What do you do with him? You are not allowed to punish him; you have to hand him over to the police. Another story: A tiger has begun to prowl around a village. What are the options for the villagers? Can they handle the situation by themselves?  Most probably, they will alert the wildlife authorities who could handle it as we can’t on our own.  Similarly, worrying is a very serious problem, which we are unable to handle and suffer greatly. Who can we give our worries to? The answer is: to God.  Many questions arise. Can we do this? Will God accept them? What will God do with them?  The answer to the first question is that we can do so even though it is not the same. A  thing as tackling a problem, which we are supposed to do on our own. We can only seek God’s help in that, not entrust it to Him. Worrying is seriously dangerous when we don’t act but keep on getting obsessed by some problem, real or imagined.  The answer to the next question is: God will accept our worries if we are His devotees. God have promised such help in various holy books. Yes, we have to qualify for such a favour, which is not too difficult. God does not wish us to worry. He says that using the mind for worrying is being an enemy of the self. And the answer to the last question is simple: God is all-powerful; He can handle what no one can. If we cannot handle a problem, we have to give it to someone who can. Shouldn’t we do so if we wish to be freed from worries? But of course, you have to complete faith in the power of God and His willingness to save you from any kind of harm arising from a real or imaginary source. That is why we say: God bless you!

Your destiny is your own to seize

Your destiny is your own to seize: Whatever happens to you in life is for your good. If you analyse, you will find God's grace hidden even in cruel and difiicult situations. This is why the wise thank God while facing problems and take them as His blessings. Without doubting his decision, they accept every happening and move on with it. The Lord has placed you exactly where you should have been. You need to be there to balance some Karma or to grow yourself. If you pass successfully through that situation, you will find yourself elevated to a higher position. Nothing happens by chance. There is a cause for everything. Each problem is a way to your progress. You should keep yourself balanced under all circumstances of gain or loss, success or failure and respect or disrespect. Nothing is as important as your reaction to it. The world is neither good nor bad; it depends on how you look at it. Whatever is inside you appears outside too. Analyse yourself, speak less and to the point, which protects your mental energy.  According to the law of attraction, whatever you doubt or are afraid of is attracted towards you. Be sure there is nothing in this world which you are scared of. Whatever you are scared of, face them squarely with the belief that nothing can harm you; face them till the fear for them is eradicated completely. A real mishappening is never so fearful as the thought or imagination about it. The psychology of such things affects only the weaker minds.  One should not have the thought of comparison since none is either better or worse than you; all souls are created equal. On awakening the dormant energies within by achieving oneness with the Lord, one can share the infinite energies of the Lord. As soon as your level of consciousness rises up, the hold of destiny on you loosens. This is why spiritual people are not afraid of fate or destiny. Situations of the world no longer affect them.

The tree of life

The tree of life: Several years ago, I planted a bottlebrush tree in my garden. My love for the tree is inexorably linked with its deep vermillion flowers which have been the show-stoppers in my arrangement in the living room every morning. However, much to my may, this winter I noticed that for the first time the tree had shed all its leaves and the branches too were drying up. Soon, all that remained was an unsightly trunk jutting out of the earth. The gardener pronounced the tree ‘dead’ and made arrange ments to have it uprooted. I refused. Finally, we reached a compromise to just cut off the top and leave the stump as a garden seat.  While pottering around the garden last week, to my pleasant surprise, I noticed green shoots sprouting from  the side of the stump. Nature resurges against all odds. Now, as I sit watching my tree slowly coming back to life, I cannot help but wonder if it is a metaphor for life and how it applies to the way we see the world. We too, like the gardener, are unable to see the ‘life-force’ that exists in the things around us. While all of us had given up on the ‘dead’ tree, invisible to the naked eye, was the life in it that hadn’t. The example of the tree is a lesson for us not to live fatuously and allow a few extenuating circumstances to deter us from looking at our own inner magnificence and resilience. Look at it this way, did the ‘life’ in the tree give up because of one harsh winter? Did it give up when it was reduced to a mere stump? With a similar resolve can’t we too bounce back from every adversity and celebrate the triumph of our grit over the odds of destiny?  To face the adversities of life we need to push through our fears and limiting beliefs and engineer a positive mind-set that should constantly remind us that ‘this too shall pass’ and that good times are around the corner.

The power of kindness

The power of kindness: The power of kindness is the greatest power in the world for winning the hearts of the people, their affection and friendship. In Islam, it is said that one day the angels of heaven asked God: “O God, is there anything in the world stronger than rock? Yes, God replied, “Iron is stronger, for it breaks rock, ” “Is there anything stronger than iron?” “ Yes, fire, for it melts iron.” “And is there anything stronger than fire?”  “Water, for it quenches fire.” And what is stronger than water? “Wind, for it can move the waves.” “And is there anything stronger than wind?” “Yes, a kind heart that gives alms to the poor in secret, not letting the left hand know what the right hand is doing.”  In the Ramayana, it is said there is nothing difficult to achieve in this world for those who have other’s interest in heart. In the Gita, the Lord says, “Who is free from malice towards all beings and who is kind and friendly to all is very dear to Me.” Once I was travelling from a nearby village of Vellore to Chennai. It was a remote place, and was raining. My driver lost the way. He saw a man standing near a bus stand waiting for the bus. He stopped the car and asked him the correct route to Chennai. The moment the man tried to explain, the bus arrived. The man did not board the bus and started explaining. After the explanation, I thanked him and asked why he missed the bus. He smiled and said that it was his duty and he was feeling satisfied and would catch the next bus within an hour. We introduced each other and exchanged our contact numbers. I waited for him till he boarded the next bus. The next morning I received a call from him saying that the bus he missed had met with an accident. Who had said that if you serve the universe, the universe will serve you?

Conquer the self within

Conquer the self within: We have a treasure house of divinity within us. Hidden deep within the soul of every human being is divine wisdom, immortality, love, light, peace, and bliss. Rather than engage in conquest over others, we should engage in our own internal conquest to gain mastery over our own-selves. By doing so, we can find a haven of peace andhappiness within us. Bringing about peace among people requires a subtle yet profound shift in the way we approach conflict. Those in conflict need to move from self-serving positions based on material possessions to shared interests based on honour and spiritual values. Meditation can help us realise these noble values.When we come in contact with the spiritual reality within, we realise that the measure of our worth is not our outer territories and riches, but all the good we have done in this world. If you want to take the measure of a human being, its not the size of one’s head, but the width and breadth of one’s compassionate heart.What matters is not how much food we can amass at the expense of others, but how many mouths we can feed. What matters is not how much money we can gain from others, but how much we spend toward helping those in need. What matters is not how much land we can take from others, but how many homes for the homeless we can provide.What matters is not how much power we can seize from others, but how we can empower others to achieve their true purpose in life. What matters is not how many people worship us, but how many people we can love and respect.If we spend time in meditation on the inner light and sound of God, and if we commit to performing acts of self less service, we will find that, in this millennium, zones of conflict will be transformedinto zones of peace and love. Act now and be in peace and happiness.

Happiness at hand

Happiness at hand: What is happiness and how one can have it? Mahavira had this to say: “Fight with yourself, why fight with external lives? He who has overcome self will obtain happiness.” We need to have a prayer room for meditation. To make room, we need to move things out, to clear space. It’s as hard to experience joy if our lives are crowded or cluttered, as it  is to find space in a closet for new clothes when we hold on to all our old ones what needs to go. Here is Sri Aurobindo saying: “Happiness comes from the ’soul’s satisfaction, not from the vitals or body’s satisfaction.” Relax! Let’s not be in an all-the-time-busy mode that  propels us to fill every minute with doing or accomplishing. Even on a break, one feels some strange internal pressure to go somewhere, do something, as if staying home and resting isn’t a legitimate way to spend one’s downtime. Looking after everyone’s needs but one's own is sadly elevated in most cultures to a virtue. In this context: “Strength is happiness. In weakness and cowardice, there is no happiness”, holds Daisaker Ikeda. Resentments, even tiny ones occupy a huge space; and they swell in volume. Left unresolved, resentment has the power to become all consuming, and is very effective at fuelling bitterness and anger. Worrying about is clearly beyond our control. Let's repeat the prayer: “God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” Blaming others edges out our capacity for joy. Blaming ourselves does much the same. The thing with blame is that it comes with blinkers that are hard to remove. Grumbling is a biggie. In addition to taking up space, it creates toxic fumes! And this can kill appreciation for blessings that come our way. There are a lot of negative tendencies, but when joy takes up residence, the unhelpful tendencies can be edged out and made to loosen their hold on our lives.

The vicissitudes of life

The vicissitudes of life: Going down memory lane, I was sitting in the waiting lounge of the international airport in Delhi, waiting for the boarding announcement for my flight to Sydney. A young lady came in, escorted by two young boys and an airport staffer. She sat next to me, young and pretty but very quiet and depressed. She hardly had any hand baggage except a purse. From her body language, I could guess that she could burst out in tears any moment. I did not want to be intrusive, but there was something which was coaxing me to talk to her. I got up to get myself a cup of coffee and offered her one as well. Soon I started talking to her but her responses were only in monosyllables. She was taking the same flight as I was. I was going to Sydney on an official assignment and asked her about the purpose of her visit. I was shocked when she told me the purpose of her visit. She was going to escort the body of her husband who had gone there just a week ago on a business trip and died of a sudden cardiac arrest. I was speechless, my heart bled and I was in tears just as she was. During the course of the flight. I tried to console her and shared several of my experiences and others. I also handed over the book, ‘Tough Times Never Last but Tough People Do’, by Robert Schuller. As we landed, we moved on our different ways with tears in our eyes and parted with a hope that we shall meet again, someday. After about five years a smart dashing lady entered my office room with a bouquet of flowers and an invitation card for her re-marriage. She was full of life, with tears of joy and told me she had “digested the book" and looked for a good future. It was the highest form of dividend that I earned for a small investment I had made long ago. What a joy and thrilling experience!  SEEING THE CHANGE IN THE WOMAN FIVE YEARS LATER, I REALISED IT WAS THE HIGHEST FORM OF DIVIDEND EARNED BY GIFTING HER A SELF-HELP BOOK.

To win, accept the change

To win, accept the change: Most of us tend to take the same route every day towards our life; talk to the same friends daily, follow a pattern and any diversion is seen as hassle and cumbersome causing irrational anxieties and stress. However, the moment we  take a walk in the opposite direction, we see new faces, the road curves differently, we relate differently and the new activities we indulge in may become more interesting. Going for a change, we make friends, we somehow let go of a daily pattern and in doing this we also let go of our past. We break free from rituals and boring mundane drama. In accepting change, we accept a new direction. We overcome imaginary irrational fears, beating stress and anxiety and becoming confident once again. A new activity or even redoing an activity that we had lost touch with over a period of time would also bring alive a person. Similarly, while perusing daily practices we must not only accept new duties and new challenges but even pose new ideas and forge new ground. In fighting a war, army generals often use tried and tested methods of warfare. They rely on their past experiences in fighting new wars, failing to understand the fact that the enemy may have grown stronger with respect to warfare techniques and/ or artillery. Napoleon often used this warfare technique, attacking his enemy from various sides in various ways, with greater fluidity, creating chaos and confusion amongst the enemy ranks. With the help of smaller troops, who could attack with ease and change their methods to suit the terrain during combat. He gave his enemy a run. Whereas his opponents, the Prussians in the 1806 war would use systematic but outdated methods of attack, Napoleon won the war simply by using change as a policy of attack. To encourage change one has to be the ‘change agent’. One must involve and evolve oneself in multiple ways, challenge set patterns, seek new opportunities leaving aside set procedures to become self-reliant.

Let’s make NIRBHAYA eternal…and keep the flame burning

Amazing feats of hope

Amazing feats of hope: Hope does not just float; it swims, sails, cruises and even flies-all at once. I recently read a story of a country pedagogue from Kerala, Abdul Malik, making his daily round trip to school adrift an inflated tube to save time. It was motivating, to put it simply. The man belongs to a genre other than ordinary who are mere passengers with little to show on life’s display board. I have a long list of people who have made it their business to rise above nature, challenge tradition and turn the tide. First there are those big names: We all know them be it Gandhi, Nehru, Subhash, Churchil, Lincoln, Mao et al. Our current heroes can be Stephen Hawking, PT Usha, Fallja and Milkha among others. They are a cut above the rest, an epitome of faith and belief that led them to cross the Rubicon. And now, American  superwoman Diana Nyad who at the ripe age of 64 as she has swum from Havana to Key West in Forida in US, sans the usual protection of a shark cage. Her message on arrival to the record keepers and an enthusiastically waiting crowd was a three point sermon, aimed at future aspirants that reads: One, never ever give up. Two, age is no bar, you are never too old to try the impossible. And three, she was not alone, it was an effort of a whole team which brought her along. And then our very own Arunima Sinha, who recently made news waves for her daredevil feat of climbing the Everest as an amputee, a global first for a women. How did she stage this amazing coup? By first mounting the peaks within. That is what one has to do when moving from doubting to believing, from vacillation to conviction, from procrastination to action. Nothing is impossible if one has the will to do whatever one wants to do. Obstacles disappear like bubbles.

Wonderful feats of mind

Wonderful feats of mind: We are all aware of the old adage, “If there is a will, there is a way.” But do we really care to remind ourselves that without a proper frame of mind, even an ordinary task seems to be impossible? And, with a proper frame of mind and willingness, even the impossible becomes possible. In sports, the players need to be conditioned to take up the challenges in the right spirit. That is why sport teams consist of psychologists and physio-therapists as well to keep the team members in good spirits. In the recent film, ‘Bhag Milkha Bhag’, made on the life of “flying Sikh” Milkha Singh, we can see that despite his physical injuries, Milkha Singh not only participates in one of the crucial races of his career but also wins it. He wins the race because of his positive mindset and not due to his physical condition. The same could be true in case of a war. A war can’t be fought with weapons alone. It is won by grit, wit and proper frame of mind. As per the Bhagavad Gita, when Arjuna saw the huge army on the opposite side, consisting of his blood relations, elders and teachers, his limbs become numb and he gets totally down psychologically. It is because of Lord Krishna that he could take up the challenge. The initial dialogue the two exchange in the battle field tell us the excuses made by Arjuna to escape war but gradually Lord Krishna changes his mind set gently to condition it so that he could prepare himself not only to take up the challenge but also to win the battle.  In our daily life experiences, we just pass on many important tasks to the next day and make good excuses for not doing the same. However; if we make up our mind to do any particular work on a particular day, we are able to do it without much discomfort. Working with a proper frame of mind and willingness, one can do wonders.

Values are important

Values are important: We Indians are very religious and we lavishly spend on religious celebrations and pray for our well being. But we rarely bother for ethics with out which we cannot move even an inch towards true religion or get any favour from God. In daily life, we conveniently forget the real spirit of religion and work for petty personal gains. Every religion prescribes high ethical standards and values but few followers pay any heed. We are deviating from true religion and focusing more on external rituals. Ethical conduct is the foundation-stone of every religion. Four of the Eightfold path of Buddhism: right speech, right action, right livelihood and right effort - are all about ethical conduct. Yoga aphorisms of Maharishi Patanjalj prescribe Yama and Niyama as the stepping stones for further practlce of yoga. Yama consists of truthfulness, non-violence, non-stealing, non-covetousness and sexual restraint. Niyama consists of purity, contentment, austerity, spiritual study and surrender to the divine will. These are the  rudimentary requisites for proper practice of any religion. Ironically our concern for religion is conveniently oblivious of these elementary requisites.  In the West, people are not very religious, but by and large, they are honest in daily life. They have a high sense of integrity and they take pride in that. Due to adequate integrity, sincerity, devotion to duty and serving attitude, they have improved community life where we are lagging far behind. We have lost faith in politicians who are only after power and position without any patriotism. We have lost faith in our religious leaders who are only after gaining prominence and luxurious living without divine realisation. Should we lose faith in ourselves also and be carried away by the stream of unethical practices or stand upright? Let us remember that unselfishness, honesty and purity are more paying regarding contentment and spiritual fulfilment. If we follow this path that represents the true spirit of any religion, then we can serve our community and our nation in a better way.

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Where is God?

Where is God?: In addition to bread, what does a man need in order to live? What does a child expect from his father, and an adult from God?  In order to live well, we need an assurance that we will get justice and help in difficulties. We also need an assurance that our problems will not last forever. We should have the faith that God will look after us and our family members. We need the faith that the basic teachings of religion are sound and will ensure our welfare. And finally, we need to have hope that one day we will achieve our goals. We also need the realisation that the universe was not created by chance; that there is intelligence and order behind creation. Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said God created the world and then died. But the views of spiritual masters on this subject seem more reasonable: God exists, but we cannot intuitively realise this fact due to the presence of impurities such as lust, anger and greed in our minds. In order to live, we need an assurance that the knowledge that guides our life is sound. At a basic level, we should know that it is wrong to kill, steal, indulge in sensuality, tell lies or take intoxicants. We should know that we have to do socially useful work, take care of our health, and fulfill our responsibilities. For hard times, we can rely on a simple philosophy: “Do your best in the given circumstances, keep on trying till the end, then surrender to the will of God.” Our focus has to be on following the essential teachings of our religion and living a good life. We do not have to wrack our brains to find out if God exists. The Buddha said there was no need to try and find out the answer to the question: Does God exist? Our efforts would go waste as the finite mind cannot have cognizance of the nature of the infinite. But we can intuitively get a glimpse of the truth,

Tackling work crisis

Tackling work crisis: When it comes to work-life management, one can’t ignore one for the other. Because, life is where work is; and work is where life is. A research firm, Catalyst, says one who can’t manage life can't manage work too. And, one who can manage good work at his/her work place can bring life alive at home. At times, when one finds it impossible to do all things at hand, one has to prioritise the workload. That is how successful people manage their career and yet have a healthy and successful private life.  Leading a positive private life has its positive reflection at one’s workplace. But one has to be careful and must understand work-life situation is not mere balancing. For, balancing could leave both incomplete and unsatisfactory.  Successful people are familiar with what the author of '3 Rules to Work By', Elizabeth Grace Saunders, remarked, “How do I structure my life to be at peace with who I am, and comfortable with what I am doing and not doing?”  To be comfortable with ‘doing or not doing’ is what  you call the art of managing  by prioritising your work at home and ofiice. If you succeed, then you will definitely sing in the words of Oprah Winfrey,” You can have it all, you can’t have it all at once.”  True, at times when you go out of the way to achieve something big, it may derail your equation with life; but that would be just a temporary phenomenon. The result thereof could be great; and your private and ofiicial life will get a huge boost. Never forget just as bad work leads to bad results, good work leads to good results. And one must keep in mind that all that you do at home or out of home are closely integrated in terms of output. If you are good in office, you could be invariably good at home too. After all, it is the same mind, soul and body at either end.

Mera Kya Hoga: Change your attitude

Mera Kya Hoga: Change your attitude: Change your attitude : Attitude defines life and life defines attitude. The quality of one’s life depends on the quality of one’s emotions and...

Change your attitude

Change your attitude: Attitude defines life and life defines attitude. The quality of one’s life depends on the quality of one’s emotions and feelings. If anyone is habitually perturbed, indifferent and reluctant to invite new things, change cannot be expected. But if one creates interest in changing one’s way of thinking, one’s life will surely change to the extent of efforts one puts in. Our mind is equipped  with ‘two wolves’; one with positive thoughts and the other with negative thoughts. They fight each other and the winner decides the direction of life.There is no magic wand to change negative feelings, emotions and thoughts overnight but continuous effort to change the negative thoughts can bring a change in life. A regular dose of optimistic motivations and inspiring thoughts would slowly bring change in one’s life. One needs to disallow negative feelings and tendencies.  There is a lovely eagle story. An eagle can live for a maximum of 70 years. But in its 40th year, its long and flexible talons can no longer  grab its prey. lts sharp beak becomes weak and its old and heavy wings don’t work making it diflicult to fly.  Then the eagle is left with two options - die or go through the painful process of change which lasts for 150 days. The process requires that the eagle fly to a mountain top and sit on its nest. There it has to knock its beak against a rock until it plucks it out. Then the eagle will wait for a new beak to grow; and then it will pluck out its talons. When its new talons grow, the eagle starts plucking its old feathers. And after five months, it takes its famous flight of 'rebirth', and lives for 30 more years.  Thus, in order to survive and live well, one has to change. We need to get rid of old memories, habits etc. Only freedom from the past burden can give us the advantage of the present.

Start liking people

Start liking people: Here is a basic rule for winning success. Let’s mark it in the mind and remember it. The rule is: Success depends on the support of other people. The only hurdle between you and what you want to be is the support of others. Look at it this way: An executive depends  on people to carry out  his instructions. If they don’t, the company boss will fire the executive, not the employees. A sales man depends on people to buy his products. If they don’t, the salesman fails. Likewise, a college dean depends on professors to  carry forward his educational programmes. A politician depends on voters to elect him; a writer depends on people to read what he writes. A chain store magnate has got to be a chain store magnate because employees accepted his leadership and the consumers accepted his merchandising programme. There are times in history when a person could gain a position of authority through force and hold it with force and/or threats of force. In those days, a man either cooperated with the leader or risked literally losing his head. But today, remember, a person either supports you willingly or he does not support you at all. But one has to think right towards people; and they will like you and support you. Successful people follow a plan for liking people. People who reach the top don’t discuss their techniques for thinking right toward people. Consider the case of President Lyndon Johnson. Long before he became President, Johnson, in the process of developing his power of personal persuasion, developed his own 10-point formula for success. His rules, which even a casual observer of the President could see, were practised in everything he did.  These rules were: remember names, take it easy, know how to relax, don’t be egotistical, be interesting, drain off your grievances, learn to appreciate, learn to give spiritual strength to others and learn to like people. (Edited extracts from the book The Magic of Thinking Big)    

The good in bad

The good in bad: Sometimes life kicks us in the gut and we are reeling under the impact of such a sudden and vicious attack, we wonder what compelled it, what brought it on? How did we miss sensing it? The truth is, we may have been too busy with the mundane drudgeries of life — stressing ourselves out and worrying about our  career in our race to make  a living. Very often our intuitions go unheard in the outward clamour for survival. We lose the connection with our prime senses and fail to tune in to the ‘Divine force’ that sustains us. Sometimes we start justifying suffering because the human brain is wired to analyse and logically interpret information. When we find that our mind is unable to rationalise suffering around us, we start justifying it by attributing it  to our bad karma. We may even begin to think that we deserve it.In order to reaffirm our faith in ourselves, we turn to the virtues of charity, generosity and benevolence. Thus, something does come out of our suffering. It mellows us down and makes us question our existence. If you ask yourself what the purpose of your existence is, the answers may not come easy. You have to connect to your inner self through meditation and prayers. Most of the holy books say, in such cases, that we maybe destined to have our share in the universal cycle of suffering; so a wise thing to do would be to just let it wash over you and cleanse you. A song of Kelly Clarkson comes to mind, ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’.

The happiness myth

The happiness myth: Happiness can be best called a myth since we can’t agree on its definition. But one thing is for sure, Happiness is not the absence of sadness. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a Russian psychologist, had come out with a wonderful book in 2007, titled, ‘The How of Happiness’, mentioning ways to remain happy in all conditions. And now another book from her as a follow-up, titled, ‘The Myths of Happiness’, gives one greater insight into one’s understanding of life and its various vicissitudes of smiles and tears.  Known as the ‘Queen of Happiness’, the psychology professor at the University of California, addresses questions like, ‘How does it (happiness) work?’ and ‘How is it possible to be happy when one is in a state of sadness ?’After her graduation, she spent almost a decade trying to watch, define and analyse what happy and unhappy people were all about.  She says that in order to be happy one must always be involved a hundred per cent in doing something constructive and positive. What matters is the effort you put in; if success comes in, it will be an added bonus.  Once Anita was driving back home; and one among the chain of thoughts was this: “Oh, I should do something nice for my husband this week”. And that made her very happy. There is great happiness in 'giving'. Not that ‘receiving’ does not make one happy. Ifyou are a million dollar lottery winner, you are receiving and happy. But ‘giving’ is a greater ‘instrument of peace’ that is remembered forever. Happiness is a myth, and means different things to different people. Abraham Lincoln had said this, “People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” And Gandhi put it in a simpler way, “Happiness is when 'what you think', 'what you say' and 'what you do' are in harmony with the welfare of the rest of the society.”

Patience pays well

Patience pays well: When I was in service, I used to wonder at a senior officer who would always maintain his calm and peace despite many irritating factors in office. Whenever I received a notice for Parliament question, I would panic and rush to him for guidance. One day, he took the Parliament question notice from me and asked me to sit down. He ordered tea and I saw him attending to other matters like telephone calls, etc. in a very cool manner. And then, after tea, he politely told me not to lose my calm as it is the most precious thing. I do not know how long these words were stuck in my mind, but it did help me in reducing the amount of tension that I was facing.  Two years ago, I invited him to attend my son’s marriage. He came and said that he was lucky that he had attended my marriage, and now he was attending my son’s marriage.  I have seen that by losing our calm, we only create  more problems for ourselves. It is, therefore, inevitable to develop poise through strict discipline. It pays to be cool and calm especially in situations demanding immediate solutions. Sometimes, we don’t control our emotions, we tend to go astray. We allow ourselves to fall into deep discouragement and later into depression. Blessed are the emotionally stable persons. They have the strength to resist temptation. They are bound to succeed in life because our inner strength plays a vital role in our success and it is by resisting temptation that we strengthen our willpower: There are times when we lack restraint and get caught up in cultural fads. This is getting carried away by loud music, the bugle call to seek excitement. To an extent, it could be natural as well. But we should strive to control our thoughts and stay calm and patient. As the saying goes, the meek are patient; and the patient will inherit the earth.

Learn to love irritations

Learn to love irritations: A man consulted a well known psychiatrist as his marriage and career were in trouble. His problem was his constant irritability and bad  temper. Though he was concerned about it, if any one tried to discuss it with him, he exploded in anger. He constantly told himself that everyone was picking on him and that he had to defend himself against them. To counter the negative autosuggestion, the psychiatrist advised the man to use this positive autosuggestion several times a day: “From now on, I shall be more good humoured. Joy, happiness, and cheerfulness are now becoming my natural state of mind. Every day I am becoming more and more lovable and understanding. I will be the centre of cheer and goodwill to all those around me. This cheerful mood is now becoming my natural state of mind. I am grateful.”  Alter a month, his wife and his colleagues found it easier  to get along with him.  The things that drive you crazy actually give you opportunities. The people who press your buttons are your greatest teachers. The issues that make you angry are actually your biggest gifts. Be grateful to them. Love them. The people or circumstances that take away your power have extraordinary value: they reveal your limiting fears and assumptions.  Celebrated psychologist Carl Jung once said: “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”  The things that irritate you are the entry points into your evolution and elevation as a human being. They are sign-posts for what you need to work on and the fears you need to face. They are gifts of growth. If you understand this, you begin to see the world through a different set of eyes.  As Khalil Gibran wrote: “I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strangely, I am grateful to those teachers.”

Ignite your mind - by APJ Abdul Kalam

Ignite your mind - by APJ Abdul Kalam: I have an experience to tell you. It was 1955 and I was in the second year of my course in aeronautical engineering in Madras Institute of Technology. A team of students was working on a project, designing a low level attack aircraft. Our team was supposed to provide the design report with all the drawings in three months. Like my team-mates, I too was delayed by more than two weeks in submitting my drawings.  When Dr Srinivasan, our director, saw that I was nowhere near completion, he warned, “Kalam, if you don't complete in the next three days, your scholarship will be stopped”  That was a big jolt for me. The scholarship was my lifeline as my father could not afford the high cost of education at MIT. Determined to carry out the task in three days, I slept on a bench in college for three nights and went out only for food.  After three days, Dr Srinivasan visited my room and examined what I had done and said, “This is good, you have performed a few weeks work in a few days.” It was a great compliment.  I realised then that if something is at stake, the human mind gets ignited and its working capacity gets enhanced manifold. Challenges throw up opportunities. Once one selects a task, one should get immersed in it. Either you will succeed or fail; that risk will always be there.  Start by risking your own position for a mission. Say, ‘Either I deliver or I go.’ Prepare yourself for the endeavour. With effort and perseverance, you will succeed. There is always a risk involved when we venture into something new there. This should not deter you. When you fail, you still have the experience gained to draw upon in the future.  And, remember, the process of birth itself is a risky affair:  But then the infant starts breathing... and life follows, with all its hopes and aspirations. Breathe in thoughts of success and you will be a success.  (Edited extracts from the author's book, 'Ignited Minds’)

Forgive to enlarge future

Forgive to enlarge future: Forgiving is an art, not a belief. You need to forgive for yourself, for your own development. When we don't forgive others, we are punishing ourselves. lmagine when your hard words can make others cry, what effect they could be having inside you from where they are originating. Forgiveness is a trait of the strong and the weak keeps it close to the heart. Many of us follow the approach of lingering on to the grudges and never nursing the wounds. But we forget that by holding grudges, we are devastating our own lives. Forgiveness does not change the past, but it definitely enlarges the future. Most of us think that if someone hurts us, we are going to remember that for life, probably for two reasons: So that we remember we trusted the wrong person and, second, punishing the person who has hurt us. I was no different. But if you think a little deeply and logically, you will realise it is an immature approach and we are not punishing anyone with this attitude but ourselves. In turn to forgive, life is too short for holding wrath and anger. It's better we forgive others for their bad deeds but never forget them as individuals as they can cheat once but not twice. Everyone commits mistakes as we are human, people who repeat the same mistake over and over prove to be knuckleheaded. As humans, we are bound to make mistakes but learning is also a part of human nature. Forgiveness is for sure a greatness show but it’s also an intelligent show as you disconnect yourself from a bad phase.  I follow this saying diligently, “Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.” And I believe we are in a cycle, we forgive someone today and tomorrow we are forgiven by others."The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." ― Mahatma Gandhi

Have the will to win

Have the will to win: Life is not always smooth. If it gives you happiness, it also brings a lot of miseries. One needs mental strength to face them. A weak mind that is unable to withstand sufferings invites only more miseries. What happened to Dronacharya when he heard the news of his son Ashwathama’s death? He lost his confidence on account of grief and lost his life. Anger, grief, hatred, jealousy, ego, fear and inferiority complex are some of the obstacles which make a person weak and bereft of confidence. But there are people who maintain equanimity even in the midst of crisis. When Sardar Patel was arguing his case in court, he received a telegram carrying the news of his wife's death.  He was not perturbed by this and continued to argue, won the case in favour of his client and then broke the news of his wife’s death. That is the sign of a healthy mind. Such people never lose their self-confidence in the midst of a crisis.  Success and failure are inevitable in life. Such a rare human birth is not meant for committing suicide. We have no right to destroy this body. It is a precious gift of God given to us to make the best use of it to achieve great things. Failures in examinations, a little scolding from parents, a petty quarrel with friends, a temporary financial problem, failure in love affairs, inferiority complex and unemployment are some of the common problems we all face at some point.  We should remember that for every problem, there is a solution. We need patience, hard work and confidence. Let us develop mental strength and courage to face problems and they will disappear: As Swami Vivekananda said, “What  makes you weep, my friend? In you is all the power.” Yes, given the will to surmount difiiculties on one’s journey on this planet, one can face any problem and be a winner.

Learn from situations

Learn from situations: As long as you live within the limitations of your body and mind, you will suffer. If suffering has not come to you yet, you are in the queue. But every suffering need not happen to you.  You see so many others suffering around you and just by looking at them, you must know that this can happen to you also.  Gautama Buddha was a king but he saw a sick person, an old person and a dead body, and he forsook his kingdom and his family to set off on a pursuit to know the truth. He could distinctly see that if this could happen to him as well.  One morning, a lion had a hearty breakfast and was feeling really good with a full stomach. So he caught hold of a rabbit that was passing by and asked him, “Who is the king of the forest?” “Oh master you, of course, you.”  The lion felt good. Then he caught hold of a fox, “Who is the king of the forest?” The fox rolled at his feet and said, “You are the king of the forest.” The lion felt better.  And then he caught hold of a few more creatures and asked them the same. Each one of them said he was the king. Now he was feeling really good and swaggering through the forest when he came across a huge tusker: He went and stood in front of the tusker and said, “Hey tusker, tell me, who is the king of the forest?” The tusker just picked him up in his trunk, and smashed him to the ground, breaking the lion’s back. The broken lion said, “You could have just told me, I would have gotten it.” The tusker replied, “But I had to make my point.”  So, if you don’t get it by yourself, life will make the point in so many ways. Some people learn with a small knock, some learn only with harsher knocks, and some never learn and get knocked around all the time. When you see so many people suffering around you, just by looking at them you must know that this can happen to you as well.

Work too is prayer

Work too is prayer: Once a sage was camping in the house of one of his disciples. Every day after returning from work in the evening the person used to retire for his daily prayers, which would take almost two hours. To ensure that the sage did  not take it as an act of discourtesy, he went to him and said  politely, "Mahatma, right since morning l remain busy in business dealings and other worldly affairs, but in the evening l ensure that l spend at least two hours with God and I feel happy in doing so. For me, all these worldly affairs are useless in the sense that these take away my peace of mind, while this prayer in the evening recharges me no end. Left to me, I would like to engage in prayer all through the day. The sage smiled and said, tomorrow I want you to accompany me to some place. But, for some reason, next day at the last moment the sage said, “I’m not in a mood to go out. Let’s stay at home.” The person didn’t say anything and kept waiting for the sage’s next instructions. In the evening the sage was kind to remind him that it was his prayer time and he could proceed for that.  When he returned after his routine prayers, the sage said, “Now you must be feeling quite rejuvenated”. But the man said, “Really, I don’t know why today I didn’t enjoy my prayer session”. The sage just smiled and said, “Today you didn’t enjoy your prayer because you remained away from your work which, according to you, is all useless but in my opinion is as important as your daily prayer: The truth is that the performance of one’s duties to family, society and nation is as important as the act of prayer. One has to do a balancing act; and  only that keeps one happy .

The great gift ... life

The great gift ... life: Our life as human beings is  the most precious gift that God has given us. I cannot comment on the theory of rebirth but what I surely know is that we could have been born as any other species on this earth.  We never realise how privileged we are. We must understand that we are the chosen ones on whom God has showered his blessings. But we are so self obsessed and self engrossed that we even forget to express our gratitude to Him.  We become our own masters considering ourselves responsible for all the events in our lives. We are overpowered by ‘I’, and always indulge ourselves in self admiration and self glorification. We are always on our own ego trips living with immense superiority complex. But do we ever foresee the repercussions of living like this?Each day and every moment spent like this is a lost time that is doing us no good.  We should always remember the saying that, “Tlme is like a river: you can never touch the same water twice because the flow that has gone by will never come again.” So we should try and make the best use of this life, indulging ourselves in many good deeds as we can, helping those in need with all the modesty and humility without boasting about it.  As we always take care of the precious gifts we receive in our lives, we should take utmost care of the most precious gift that we have from God, living each moment to its fullest. As nobody knows when these moments will end, one should try and make the best of it.  We should always remember the simple truth of life that yesterday is passé, tomorrow is uncertain and it is only today or present which is important and under our control. So try and make the best of it with the blessings of God so that we don't have to remorse tomorrow.

Light up the fire within

Light up the fire within: If your are unhappy, you better check if one or all of these are lacking. Tapa (penance), Vairagya (dispassion), Sharanagati (surrender). Tapas is, "agreeing with the moment, total acceptance of pleasant or unpleasant situations". Vairagya means "I want nothing and I am nothing". Sharanagati is, "I am here for You, for Your joy". If you grumble, that means you are lacking these because when you accept the situation, you cannot grumble. When you take it as Tapa or a state of dispassion or surrender; you will have no complaints. These three purify your mind and uplift you in joy. If you don’t do it willingly, you will do it in desperation. First you say, “Nothing can be done.” Then in anger and desperation you say, "I give up, I want nothing". We need to remember that we are fire. However, some ash gets accumulated over the mind. Once you blow the ash away, the fire will rise up and shine brightly. If there are too many worries in your mind, then just say ‘Hmm’ (with slight force), and all that ash that has accumulated on the mind will be wiped off and you will feel fresh. Often we sit and keep worrying. Don’t sit and brood over it. March ahead, remembering that you are fire.  When you know you are fire, nothing can burn you. Let go of the past and move happily into the future. Take life in its totality. Some pleasant, some unpleasant experiences happen and then they go away. There is no problem that cannot be solved. The solution is the tail of every problem.  Solutions come to you when: You are calm and collected; you use intelligence; you are not lethargic but active and you have strong faith in the Divine law.  Knowing that “I have all the blessings, I have the grace, the best will happen to me”, you should move ahead.

Make passion your driver

Make passion your driver: If you work for happiness, you may not get it; but if you work with happiness, then you will get it. If you wish to achieve satisfaction in life, work according to your nature. Do the things you love doing since that will give you inner joy.  Work is effortless when you love doing your work. Whenever there is effort, it  'drains your energy' but when  action is spontaneous, you will see that enthusiasm and energy remains with you all through. Freshness and smile are always there on your face. People would like to talk to you about your energy and enthusiasm. Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart, give your hundred per cent to it. If you love to be a writer, find your passion in writing. If you love photography, find a career out of it. If you love  music, then choose it as your career, and so on. Find out that your work truly inspires you and then direct all your energy in accomplishing it. Start doing things which you have always wanted to do. But your passion must, in some way or the other, improve or serve the lives of others too.  If you study the lives of the happiest, healthiest and the most satisfied people, you will find that each one of them has found his/her passion in life; and they had spent their days and nights in pursuing their passion. WHEN YOU CONCENTRATE ON THE PURSUIT THAT YOU LOVE, ABUNDANCE FLOWS INTO YOUR LIFE AND ALL YOUR DESIRES ARE EASILY FULFILLED. You will wake up every morning with limitless energy and enthusiasm, all your thoughts will be focused on your objective. You won’t have any time to waste. Once you find your purpose, life would become far more interesting and rewarding.  Neglecting passion blocks creative flow. But when passion and skill go together, the end result is often a master-piece.

Doubts can do us good

Doubts can do us good: Doubt and faith are antithetical, especially in the perspective of religion. Faith begins where doubt ends. But, to have faith without a spark of doubt leads to blind faith, often a source of misery and exploitation, as the history of mankind vindicates. The Buddha once visited a small town called Kesaputta whose inhabitants were known as Kalama. When the Kalamas heard about the visit, they met him and told him, “Revered one, we are frequently visited by different religious Gurus who try to impress us with their religious doctrines. While glorifying their own doctrine, they condemn and despise others’ doctrines. These result in doubts of all sorts in our minds. We request you to show us the way so that we get rid of such doubts.” The Budhha gave this advice: “It is always good that we have doubts. To follow  the sermons and teachings blindly without exercising doubts can be very harmful. The next question is what to do. My advice is that be not led by the authority of religious texts as no religious text is infallible; and likewise  the aura around the person  should not make you accept  him or his teachings, without  critically examining what he  taught.  “Further, you should not get influenced by appearances; delight in speculative opinions or visions of heaven which are only in next life. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice, and have the courage to follow your heart, intuition and intellect. When you are convinced that certain things are wholesome for you and have the potential to make your life happier and better, accept them. Similarly, when you know for yourself that certain things are not good, then do not lose any time in rejecting them. Yes, when you are stuck up and are not able to decide what’s good and what’s not, go to your master”  The Buddha went even furfhér. “A disciple should examine even the master Tathagata(Buddha) before  he embraces his teachings.”

Art of bouncing back

Art of bouncing back: Troubles in life are like thorns in a rose. Some of us overcome them in our own ingenious ways; but some others keep crying all their lives. Actually, troubles should be taken as a test  to prove the survival of the fittest.  When taken in the right spirit, troubles strengthen our zeal and conviction that life is great and worth- living in all circumstances. Or else, we would just be  no better than animals that care for nothing but their day-to-day survival.  Let me say if you know how to face troubles, you know how to be happy and progressive. The only difference between a winner and a loser is the attitude one takes over obstacles.  The winner faces them positively and the loser fails to take full opportunity of a crisis.  No need to say that all great leaders in the world  had faced great hardships and it was because of their tenacity and resilience that they “could come out of the hole" and bounce back to a fighting fit situation.  True, resilience alone is not good enough; one has to learn from one’s mistakes and go a step ahead the next time without losing conviction and confidence in one’s own will to do and tide over any difficulty.  If you want to succeed, you must be willing to fall and bounce back cheerfully, irrespective of the knocks you have received. The art  of bouncing back comes through one’s willingness to learn from a mistake and the zeal to take on the thorns of life. . Philosopher Criss Jami  has this point elaborated beautifully, “You get hit  the hardest when trying to run or hide from a problem. Troubles are invited out  of a fear of weakness. One has to realise that fearing weakness is further  strengthening it. We have to be like the herb that, as Walter Scott says in Ivanhoe, flourishes most when trampled upon!Those who have mastered the art of resilience know that setbacks and challenges can be our most powerful learning opportunities. Some of the world's most successful people have been fired from their jobs, and used the experience to bounce back to great heights.

Fear ... your worst enemy

Fear ... your worst enemy: Fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger—if we didn't feel it, we couldn't protect ourselves from legitimate threats. But often we fear situations that are far from life-or-death, and thus hang back for no good reason. Traumas or bad experiences can trigger a fear response within us, that is hard to quell.Fear is your own making and it is in your mind only. We are prisoners of a non- existing threat of our own creation. Don’t be scared of it; face it and make it disappear. True, it is in human nature to fear and be cautious. But most of the time, fear kills your zeal to take up an initiative for success. Dale Carnegie says fear leads to inaction which in  turn breeds doubt and more   fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. “If you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home just to brood about it. Go out and get busy”.  Perhaps Mark Twain has better words, “Do the thing you fear the most and the death of fear is certain.” So, what you fear most must be your first target of attack. Success does not come to those who make fear a constant part of their persona. Success goes to them who are fearless and undaunted in the face of failures and challenges. If Gandhi had made fear a part of his character, India would have never got freedom. He was frail and weak but his courage and fearlessness  and his feeble cry moved millions inside and outside the country.  And, if Neil Armstrong had been scared of the danger of going to and landing on the moon, he would have never got the proud moment of making his joyous and triumphant cry, “ A small step for a man, a giant leap for mankind.”  Any success demands a great desire to eclipse the fear of failure. In the words of Bill Cosby, “your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.” It is not that one will succeed always. That should not stand as a problem. One who can bounce back and then goes to war fully equipped will surely have  success in his bag.