I went into the love marriage against family wishes in the year of 1996. It was a drastic change for me since my new family was a big joint family and I had spent all my life in a nuclear family. And moreover the family members were not welcome and supportive. I tried my best coping up with the change and mingling with them, but they never understood me or supported me. I became a mother soon and couldn’t have been happier. The attitude of my extended family continued to get worse. I tried settling with them, but to no avail. And then one day all hell broke loose when suddenly my husband passed away. My son was only 5 years old that time and I was not a working woman. This was the turning point of my life. My whole life changed. It was already very painful for me and on the top of everything everyone blamed me for my husband’s death. But yes, there were people in my family who supported me, but then they were few.
After my husband’s death, I started my studies again and completed my B.A. and did a computer course. 6 months after my husband had passed away, I started working and paid for my son’s school fees. I would work all day in the office and at night my family would bad mouth me. I used to cry all the time at night and then would take to reading to divert myself away from all the nagging. Almost 4 years passed like this. Some people advised me for remarriage. But I never wanted to remarry because I was concerned if the new person in my life would be able to love my son as much as his own father would have. That time I decided that time that I would be independent and work hard for the sake of my son. Now, after so many years, I am happy that I took this decision.
I continued working hard, but the salary I was getting was very less. So, I applied on many job portals. I got an interview call from a company but I was full of negativity due to the hardships in life. Yet I gave the interview and to my surprise got selected.
After some time of taking up the new job, I got an increment in a couple of months and new responsibilities. After all these years I am earning well and am much more confident too. I feel safe as well.
I got separated from my in laws sometime back and now I am living with my son. He is 18 years old now and a matured person. During all this long hard period God and some wonderful people have helped me and because of them I am still alive and smiling. So from the bottom of my heart,I am thankful to them all.
Besides this, I would really want to tell all women out there to study hard and be educated because education is something that will always help them in all walks of life. And there’s nothing like being self-dependent and having their own identity.
The whole concept of merakyahoga.com is to try and get the Right Advice for everyone by the experts and other people for all the human issues and problems.
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Thursday, 26 November 2015
Wednesday, 25 November 2015
UN launches campaign for action on violence against women on 25th November, 2015
India Gate will be illuminated in orange and messages of ending violence... View More
Tuesday, 24 November 2015
Domestic Violence A True Victim Story ...
Ms Nagma (named changed) a Muslim woman was married under Muslim Marriage rites and rituals, her parents had given a handsome quantity of ‘Meher’ in the wedding. But her dreams of a blissful married life was shattered, when just after 1 month of her wedding, her in-laws began maltreating her, torturing her both mentally and physically. They used to mercilessly beat her and demanded more and more dowry which included a luxury car, a plot and other articles. They even attempted to kill her on petty issues, harassed her on several occasions, the neighbours saved her from cruel clutches of her in –laws
Friday, 30 October 2015
Friday, 23 October 2015
Emotional abuse hurts more?...
While the scars of physical abuse are visible, the impact of constant verbal badgering is far worse.
Victims of physical abuse find sympathizers because of the physical evidence, however, this is not the case with those who are constantly exposed to verbal badgering as the scars are not visible on the surface. Like in the case of 27-year-old, Reshma Shah, whose life had become a living hell. She says, "When I tied the knot, I felt I got married to the man of my dreams. Ravi, had second thoughts about marrying me because I was a bit plump, but my parents convinced me that there was nothing to be concerned about. Teasing made way for nasty and sarcastic comments. He would make snide remarks about my lack of control around food because I had put on a little more weight after marriage."
Reshma, adds that his sarcastic comments hampered her self-esteem to such an extent that she felt that everybody thought of her that way. She adds, "These remarks were not only confined to the bedroom, but were passed in front of his parents and relatives. There were comparisons with his former girlfriends, and that only made me more depressed," leaving her with no option but to seek help.
Emotional abuse can alter your personality
Psychiatrist, Anjali Chhabria, says, "Emotional abuse takes a negative toll on an individual's self-concept, self-esteem, self-confidence, mood, behaviour, interpersonal relations, efficiency, reasoning and judgment. All of us want to be loved, looked after and taken care of and want that someone to be our strength in good and bad times. Instead, if that someone, is the one emotionally abusing you, it can leave one helpless, hopeless and completely dysfunctional. It not only affects your personal relationships, it can alter and change you as a person."
Effects of emotional abuse on an individual
According to Chhabria, criticism, constant abuse and emotional neglect can cause irreparable damage, making the individual confused, anxious and unable to make decisions. This stress often leads to psychological problems such as fear, anxiety, depression, lack of sleep, crying spells, anger, irritation, etc. In some cases it can also make people lose trust in the concept of committed relationships. It can cause substance dependency and abuse and in some cases forces the person to cheat and have an affair outside their relationship or marriage.
Symptoms of emotional abuse, according to consultant psychiatrist Dr Parul Tank.
- Getting criticised, belittled or humiliated often
- Feeling isolated from others
- Finding it difficult to predict partners' reaction of understand and explain irrational behaviour
- Sense of self doubt and distrust
- Feeling of anxiety and wanting to escape
How to deal with it?
According to Tank that is the hardest part. She says, Often, the person finds it hard to get away because there are no obvious signs, and the way one is abused, the victim often feels guilty for his/her behaviour as they feel they have brought it on themselves."
Anjali adds, "It's important you understand the underlying cause of the abuse. Sometimes it could be your insecurity and low self-image triggering such a situation. If it's your partner and he/she is unable to look at the problem, it's best to take some advice. Discuss the matter with a well wisher or someone who knows you well."
Victims of physical abuse find sympathizers because of the physical evidence, however, this is not the case with those who are constantly exposed to verbal badgering as the scars are not visible on the surface. Like in the case of 27-year-old, Reshma Shah, whose life had become a living hell. She says, "When I tied the knot, I felt I got married to the man of my dreams. Ravi, had second thoughts about marrying me because I was a bit plump, but my parents convinced me that there was nothing to be concerned about. Teasing made way for nasty and sarcastic comments. He would make snide remarks about my lack of control around food because I had put on a little more weight after marriage."
Reshma, adds that his sarcastic comments hampered her self-esteem to such an extent that she felt that everybody thought of her that way. She adds, "These remarks were not only confined to the bedroom, but were passed in front of his parents and relatives. There were comparisons with his former girlfriends, and that only made me more depressed," leaving her with no option but to seek help.
Emotional abuse can alter your personality
Psychiatrist, Anjali Chhabria, says, "Emotional abuse takes a negative toll on an individual's self-concept, self-esteem, self-confidence, mood, behaviour, interpersonal relations, efficiency, reasoning and judgment. All of us want to be loved, looked after and taken care of and want that someone to be our strength in good and bad times. Instead, if that someone, is the one emotionally abusing you, it can leave one helpless, hopeless and completely dysfunctional. It not only affects your personal relationships, it can alter and change you as a person."
Effects of emotional abuse on an individual
According to Chhabria, criticism, constant abuse and emotional neglect can cause irreparable damage, making the individual confused, anxious and unable to make decisions. This stress often leads to psychological problems such as fear, anxiety, depression, lack of sleep, crying spells, anger, irritation, etc. In some cases it can also make people lose trust in the concept of committed relationships. It can cause substance dependency and abuse and in some cases forces the person to cheat and have an affair outside their relationship or marriage.
Symptoms of emotional abuse, according to consultant psychiatrist Dr Parul Tank.
- Getting criticised, belittled or humiliated often
- Feeling isolated from others
- Finding it difficult to predict partners' reaction of understand and explain irrational behaviour
- Sense of self doubt and distrust
- Feeling of anxiety and wanting to escape
How to deal with it?
According to Tank that is the hardest part. She says, Often, the person finds it hard to get away because there are no obvious signs, and the way one is abused, the victim often feels guilty for his/her behaviour as they feel they have brought it on themselves."
Anjali adds, "It's important you understand the underlying cause of the abuse. Sometimes it could be your insecurity and low self-image triggering such a situation. If it's your partner and he/she is unable to look at the problem, it's best to take some advice. Discuss the matter with a well wisher or someone who knows you well."
Tuesday, 13 October 2015
Prime Minister’s Scholarship Scheme...
Prime Minister’s Scholarship Scheme
MINISTRY OF DEFENCE Department of Ex-Servicemen Welfare PM’S SCHOLARSHIP SCHEME FOR DEPENDENT WARDS / WIDOWS OF EX-SERVICEMEN AND EX INDIAN COAST GUARD PERSONNELFOR ACADEMIC YEAR 2015-16
For details visit:
http://www.scholarshipsinindia.com/prime-minister-scholarship-for-exserviceman-wards.html
All The Best
MINISTRY OF DEFENCE Department of Ex-Servicemen Welfare PM’S SCHOLARSHIP SCHEME FOR DEPENDENT WARDS / WIDOWS OF EX-SERVICEMEN AND EX INDIAN COAST GUARD PERSONNELFOR ACADEMIC YEAR 2015-16
For details visit:
http://www.scholarshipsinindia.com/prime-minister-scholarship-for-exserviceman-wards.html
All The Best
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